Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
