you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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