Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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