I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
