I think I am morally bankrupt
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize