sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
