and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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