you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
