I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
