Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
