all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
