Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
