he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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