If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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