I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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