Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize