just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
