i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
