Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My pussy is not your playground.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
