the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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