my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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