She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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