I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
