As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
