We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
