I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
