with your own penis?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize