Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Randomize
