Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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