She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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