Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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