last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he thought i was a dude.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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