I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
