She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
