I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
