He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
