new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
