She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
