did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
