Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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