Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
