my phone needs a breathalizer
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
