Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
