1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
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