I hate your face
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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