Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
