I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
