I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
