can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
