Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
