his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
