just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
