I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's like heaven, but drunker
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
