I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
