I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
