I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize