dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
