He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
