dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
