I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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