I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
