whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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