Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
