guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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