Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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