dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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