Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
