trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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