i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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