first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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