weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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