SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
