how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
