i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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