GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
