Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
