if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
